Your Soul Has a Voice, Let it Speak

I received a very clear message during my meditation today. To write. Not only did every thought I have drift back to this, no matter how far removed from writing the thought started this is where it returned but I also felt a sensation in my right hand the whole time and on finishing, my right hand throbbed and went numb despite being positioned gentle to the side of me with no apparent reason for its numbness. Some would say coincidence, I say intuition. 

I’ve spent some time recently questioning my interactions with others. I frequently walk away from social interactions feeling unsatisfied, mainly about things I’ve said or haven’t said. I’ve been pondering a lot about this and wonder why it is so important to me? I suspect from an egotistical perspective this has much to do with what people think of me, how they have perceived me. But going a little deeper, of late I’ve been feeling a disconnect. Almost as though I don’t recognise myself when I’m talking and I’ve began stopping myself mid-conversation and completely changing what I was about to say or with people closer to me, my mum and husband I just stop altogether. I’m not sure what this means. I’ve found lately writing thoughts down help clear them up I guess it filters out the noise. I find I’m more concise on paper, this has definitely always been the case for me, I have been called ‘a letter writer’ once or twice. Strangely I really feel heard when people respond to my passionate letters or emails, I certainly don’t get the same feed back from my passionate conversations.

But why is this? Is it possible that we are all lost acting out these roles we’ve created for ourselves and have lost connections to ourselves and others. I am craving more honest and open conversation but finding these increasingly hard to come by because we’re all to entangled in these webs we’ve weaved for ourselves that are embedded in the masks we put on but do little way to go deeper to connect with the person behind the mask. Even in the limited social contact we have these days we continue to moan about work, health and weather, we’re reluctant to share things that hold true meaning to us and sadly even to those we deem as close to us. Consumed with our latest news feed promoting fear, separation and insignificance, its no wonder that our interactions represent just this.

And just like that it’s obvious why these superficial interactions bother me so much. Deep connections are what keep us going through difficult times. The roots of these relationships run deep they will keep you grounded in times of uncertainty. Have those conversations of meaning, share love, humour and wisdom. Your soul has a voice, let it speak.